Tuesday, 6 September 2011

My Accounting Lecturer, Stop Confusing Me!

Image credit: google: hypercup.org

You are learned in debits and credits
Increases and decreases, figures and values,
Balance brought forward and balance carried down

You have the knowledge of digits
You have mastered the T account
You have subdued the intricacies of profits and losses

I don’t begrudge that.

But I ask, is that the knowledge you carry around
Fiddling with figures most confusing
Touting concepts barely understandable?

Where is discovery for a patterned process?
It has always been the same:
Debit for increases
Credit for decreases
Double entry
Bad debts
Provision for bad debts
Income Statement
Balance Sheet
Trading Profit and Loss Account

Image from google: philtered.com

I itched to ask you in class
Why we couldn’t debit a decrease
Or questioned the wisdom in these rules
But of course you would have discounted me
Saying twas against GAAP or such big notions
As if GAAP was the keeper of logic

But again, I don’t blame you
You are a family man
Who has got to feed some mouths
And in any case, “that is the way it is”
So, I sit for hours, half-following added figures
Subtracted values, depreciated assets, missing debts
Unbalanced figures

All this while, my mind is cooking up
Dialogue between quarrelling figures
I think, that could be a nice poem
Figures on a verbal match
At least I could follow this
Because in my mind’s eye, I can see
Figure zero roll up in anger
Stirring up dust

Hardly the same story
For convoluted concepts of accounts
Where my accounts lecturer tells me
It is so because somebody thought so
They could be wrong!

Sir, I demand a special class
Where I will ask about double lines for balanced figures
Or question bank reconciliation and why mediators aren’t called
Or who came up with debits and credits?
(Speaking of which, could be some rhyme in bits and dits
So, could they have been poets after all?)

But no, they couldn’t be poets
Which imagery for arcane knowledge?
Which form for trite truncation?

They would at least let balance sheet be a sonnet
And let debit and credit be in a dialogue
Speaking of the wondrous nature of values
“To debit, I will sojourn”
No, the accountants weren’t poets
Else, they would weave figures into stories
At least for some of us, we would follow.


Sherry Blue Sky said...

Oh you have my total sympathy. Math was the bane of my existence in school (and numbers, at least in dollars, the bane of my existence ever since:)) Once you pass this class, you likely wont ever have to bother with them again - you can hire a bookkeeper! Maybe they could start a class for people who plan to be successful enough for bookkeeping staff!!!!!

This likely does not help you at all:)

The Unknowngnome said...

Another fine poem to your credit! :)

Salem Lorot said...

@ Sherry Blue Sky, ha ha, Koko. Math and I are quite a thing, you know. In other news, when accounting will be over this year we will laugh about this. :) Thanks a lot.

@ The Unknowngnome, I have always wondered the story behind Unknowngnome. But as always, I appreciate your visits and echo in these caves.

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